A creepy old pervert tried to lure a little girl into the White House at an event this week. As of this writing, the suspect has still evaded law enforcement. Fortunately, the child was well versed in “Stranger Danger” protocols and was able to escape a fate worse than death. Hopefully the cops will soon track this dangerous sicko down, so he can be thrown behind bars where he belongs.

Police describe the suspect as a doddering old white man, approximately 80 years of age, who is mostly incapable of stringing together coherent sentences. The suspect also has blown-out pupils, likely from injections of barbiturates or amphetamines, which have been shown to induce lucidity in dementia patients for short periods of time.

The incident happened this week during a “Take Your Child to Work Day” event on the South Lawn of the White House. Witnesses say the doddering old pervert could barely contain his glee as he approached a group of little boys and girls.

The perv could be heard saying to one little girl, “Yes, baby?”

The smile child then asked, “What’s it like in the White House?”

Seizing upon the opportunity, the dirty sicko told the little child, “Well, what’s it like in the White House? Well, here. Come here. You hang with me for a minute and I—”

That’s when the little girl’s Stranger Danger instincts kicked in. She refused to go with him.

“You don’t want to go into the White House? OK, all right. OK,” said the dirty old man as the horrified parents nervously chuckled at his failed attempt to score with a 6-year-old.

Using facial recognition technology, the cops have identified the suspect as the same person that pooped his pants in front of the Pope in October of 2021. Police say the man is extremely dangerous to small children, middle class families, the oil and gas industry, and national economies, and should be avoided at all costs. Simply call the police on him if you spot him.

Law enforcement officials say the man has a long history of creeping on little girls that dates back to the 1970s. The suspect has a daughter named Ashley who described in her diary how the suspect showered with her when she was a little girl. Ashley says she was molested as a child and blames those showers with her father on her sexual addiction as an adult.

In the 1990s, the suspect was accused of pinning a staffer against the wall in a dark hallway in the US Senate, and digitally raping her. The alleged victim, Tara Reade says she tried to report the rape, but law enforcement just shrugged and said, “We never arrest that creepy old perv for anything. He’s protected.” They then dismissed her claims and told her she probably imagined it.

The suspect also has a history of going for a nude swim every day when he was younger. Female Secret Service agents who were charged with protecting the man during these daily nude swims described the incidents as “nauseating” and “not worth all the money in the world.”

The suspect’s sexual aggressiveness toward women is said to be so terrible that the Secret Service had to cancel its annual Christmas party at the Vice President’s residence. Whenever the dirty old man would pose for pictures with Secret Service agents with their wives or girlfriends, he would cop a feel.

One Secret Service agent had to be restrained for trying to punch the dirty old man, after he grabbed the breast of the agent’s girlfriend during picture time. That led to the Secret Service canceling its annual Christmas party until Mike Pence became vice president. Say what you will about Mike Pence, but women are definitely safe around him.

Despite being filmed groping and sniffing women and children on camera around the US Capitol for years, this elusive pervert continues to evade capture. Reporters also refuse to ask him about his attempts to lure children, like the incident this week. If you see this man, stay away from him!

Here is the incident that happened at the White House this week: